It’s been a rough couple of months, my friends.
I’ve recently been diagnosed with depression. I shouldn’t have found it as shocking as I did, but here we are. After uncovering my stuck points and working on my triggers, I have found depression lurking under the surface of my PTSD and anxiety. I am back in therapy full time to tackle these new obstacles, and, I’m not going lie, I am struggling.
Depression and anxiety have been weighing me down. October was an anniversary of trauma but also the anniversary of the best day of my life. I’ve felt pulled in different directions. I’ve questioned myself, my career, my friendships/relationships, and my social media presence. I have struggled with trying to find what is right for me while also trying to discern actual unhappiness and fulfillment from my depression and anxiety. So far, I haven’t been successful.
I want to focus on what I haven’t questioned, too, though. I have never questioned my marriage. I have never questioned going to the gym. I have never questioned going to therapy. I have never questioned my blog or YouTube channel. Those things genuinely make me happy every day. I wish I had more time to give the attention to the things that make me happy.
I’m going to be focusing more on myself, more so than I have ever before. I’m making this an accountability post of sorts. From now on, I’m going to eat better without obsessing over the number on the scale. My goal is to be stronger. I’m going to do things that make me happy. I’m going to find fulfillment in hobbies that aren’t my career. I’m going to make peace with my path changing and my journey taking a route I’m not familiar with. I’m going to focus on my mental health so I can be my best self for me and my husband. I’m going to make time to spend with him and our dog.
October is behind me. November has better things coming my way. I’m putting it into the universe and manifesting the rest of 2019 to be better.
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