TW: Mentions of depression, disordered eating, weight gain/loss
Hello readers and fellow bloggers,
I regrettably will be taking the next month (or more) off from blogging. YouTube videos will be a bit sporadic when/if they do go up. There are several reasons for this, and in an effort to be transparent, I’ll go over what I can with you all.
Firstly, my mental health is not where I need it to be. Going on vacation felt like a great escape from current events but returning has made me feel even more depressed. This makes sense as we were put in a bubble of feeling “normal” and now that we’re back home and self-isolating again, things aren’t close to normal for us yet. I’ve been talking this over with my therapist, and I may be seeking a change in medication again with my doctor if I don’t get some relief soon. The depression is affecting my work and home life balance. Household chores, walking the dogs, etc. all seem to be too daunting to tackle, and I can’t muster the motivation to create or write either.
Secondly, I have some rather large projects that are coming soon to the blog and YouTube channel. One of those is the 30 Day Challenge that I put together every year. It is still some months away but I need to put it together and get it ready for it’s debut later this year. I am also working on a script for a “Things I wish I knew before becoming a 3D artist” YouTube video. I’d like to be sure to put in a lot of effort to make it even better than my first video on how I became a 3D Artist as it was a bit rambly and contained a lot of industry terms that I feel I wasn’t able to explain very well. It’s going to take more time and detail than any of my other videos and I’d like to give it the attention it deserves. This will also help me set up a template and workflow for more videos like this so I can put them out in a more timely manner.
Thirdly, I think I need to simply give myself a chance to breathe for awhile without self-imposed blog deadlines, worrying about not reading or commenting on enough blogs here, or feeling down and guilty for remaining uninspired when I have some really big pieces I’ve wanted to work on. I log on to WordPress after work, and the last thing I want to do is stare at a computer screen again. It has been a hard battle since March 2020 to keep up with my blog and YT channel throughout working from home and self-isolating during the ongoing pandemic. I think a break will help me get my thoughts together and even work on some outlines for these big “think” pieces without feeling so much anxiety around them and therefore continuously putting them off until I feel guilty.
Fourthly, my “real life” job is getting busier. Without going into too many details, most of you know that a year ago I was promoted to supervisor over the art department at my job. I am having to take more onto my plate than previously for reasons I don’t feel comfortable going into. It should be temporary and will come with the regular ebbs and flows that I am accustomed to from before being promoted (back when I was just a 2D/3D artist); however, I now have my supervisor duties on top of the ebbs and flows… so the days where the art work is stacked up high, I will have to keep up as best as I can with all of my additional job duties. I don’t want the added pressure of keeping up with my blog’s schedule as well as trying to record and edit videos during the week while going through this temporary transition.
Lastly, I have been struggling with my lifestyle. As you may know, I hired a trainer a few years ago that helped me get comfortable lifting. Pre-COVID I really enjoyed spending the week days lifting heavy at my local gym and my Saturdays at a training gym doing a group boot camp-style workout. It became my routine and it has been very hard to be out of that routine for almost a year and a half now. Since COVID, I have stopped going to both gyms completely to do my part in keeping myself and others from becoming sick. A couple of months ago, I finally got my hands on some gym equipment and I’ve been using them 3-4 days a week with the help of a new online program that I joined about 6 weeks ago in our new home‘s basement. I’ve created a small workout nook that is doing the job for now.
While I have been feeling better about moving my body with my new weights, even losing an inch or two here and there, as well as getting stronger, I am still struggling with losing weight and eating the right amount for my body and goals. The scale is not everything, but the weight I have put on over the last year is not healthy. I honestly do not have a goal weight; I’d like to fit back into my clothes again…. And I am not binging or over restricting as I have in the past this time, but I am having a hard time with not going overboard on sweets and chips. I am a comfort eater, and that’s exactly how I have been getting through this tough time. My clothes no longer fit, clothes that I purchased three months ago are getting a bit tight, and I just feel so uncomfortable in my body. I know it’s something I need to also work on through therapy because it doesn’t all lead back to just eating right. All roads lead to the comfort eating, low energy, struggling to get out of bed, etc. It’s time to dig deep and put all of my attention onto myself to find what I need right now.
All of that is to say that I need to focus on myself for awhile. It’s not you WordPress; it’s me.
To my Geeky Gang, I paused Patreon payments for June as I do not know what content may or may not be posted there for you. I would rather pause for now and come back when I know I am ready to give you what I have promised.
Thank you all for your understanding and supporting me always. See you soon.
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