Leveling Up Adult Friendships

Why is it so hard to make close friends when you become an adult? When you’re a kid you can just walk to up anyone and ask to be friends. BOOM! Now you got yourself a best friend. Something changes between those young school years and after college. You don’t see those same people every day anymore, and suddenly, you don’t know how to make close friends outside of school.

I realized after I ended a toxic 5-year relationship that my friend circle had shrunk. The couple of friends that I managed to keep during that tumultuous time helped me get my life back together. While I loved and appreciated their support, it made me see how many friends I had lost contact with. I felt ashamed about a lot of things in my life during that time and couldn’t bring myself to reach out to them.

My friend circle shrunk even more after I moved from Alabama to Missouri where I didn’t know a single person. I craved those deep, soul-searching conversations. I missed not having to worry about being myself. I wanted to have a game night but found myself with no one to call. I became afraid of rejection and getting hurt by the people in my new environment.

During my search for the solution for making friends as an adult, I ran across tons of cookie-cutter advice. As a geek, I needed a more creative and introvert-friendly solution. After chatting with friends, both online and IRL, I came up with some tips that I’m using to finally expand my friend circle so I can make those deep connections and plan those D&D and gaming nights that I’ve been wishing for.

asian-boys-community-923657

Reconnect

Most likely you already have a friend group. Maybe you’ve just grown apart, haven’t made time for each other, or haven’t spoken about anything deeper than the latest memes or the last Marvel movie. This is the perfect time to reconnect with those friends! This also a good opportunity to get to know new friends even better. Send out a text or give them a call to catch up and make plans to hang out. Are your friends online? Make plans to hang out in real life! If the distance isn’t holding you back, meet at a public space and get to know each other in person.

  • Reconnect with old friends
  • Get to know new friends better
  • Meet online friends IRL

Get Introduced

As an introvert, it’s hard for me to reach past my small circle sometimes. The best opportunity I have had to combat this has been getting to know my coworkers. I have made fantastic friends at work and through them I have met some really cool people. That brings me to this: ask your friends to introduce you to their friends! You never know if some blind friend dates could be exactly what leads you to find your best friend. If you don’t have awesome coworkers, or you find that your friend’s friends aren’t your crowd, check out Geek Girl Brunch! It’s a monthly meet up group with chapters all over the world.

Be a Regular

You know how in movies people notice the regular coffee shop gal, the regular dude jogging every morning at the gym, or the gender fluid student always on the same bench in the courtyard? There’s some truth into being a “regular” to get noticed and meet new people. If public spaces aren’t your scene, there’s plenty of online ways to become a “regular.” If you browse blogging platforms, become a regular commenter! If you have a Facebook group you love, get active and post/comment as often as you feel comfortable! If you’re active on Discord, join a discord community you care about and get to chatting and sharing!

  • Regularly comment on blogs
  • Be an active Facebook group member
  • Hang out on Discord with other active members

Apps

I’m relatively new to using apps to find friends but there are great apps out there to make new friends. I just started using Hey! Vina and have matched with a few people so far. I really enjoy their matching process and the cute quizzes you can take. There’s also Bumble BFF which is inside of the Bumble app itself. Meetup is also a great app to find events you’re interested in near you. Try something new or go with something familiar to meet new people.

Be a Friend

I’m a firm believer in being what you want to see in the world. If you want best friends, be a best friend. If you decide to use the meetup app, host your own meet up! If you want to get closer to the friends you already have, throw a party, either for a holiday or come up with a cool theme. If you find that you’re not great at hosting, the best thing you can do is accept and show up to any invitation that you can. Be the friend you want to have.

  • Host your own meet up
  • Have a get together/themed party
  • Show up to invitations

When we can no longer rely on forced interaction through school, college, summer camp, and other events that allow you to make friends easily, you have to find other solutions when you reach adulthood. Try reconnecting with old friends or online friends. You can get introduced to friends of friends of join a cool community to expand your friend circle. Be a regular at all of your favorite online places that you frequent. Find apps that make making friends easier when you already have a full plate with adulting. The last, but best thing, you can do to make lasting friendships is to be a friend.

Do you have any advice for making friends as an adult? What has worked for you? Let me know in the comments!

cw1

Follow A Geeky Gal!

BLOGINSTAGRAMFACEBOOKPINTERESTTWITTERYOUTUBE

 

 

Advertisements

38 thoughts on “Leveling Up Adult Friendships

  1. That’s good advice. Getting older, adulting, having jobs, and nor being on social media have certainly affected things with friends. I do keep in touch with some of them, but it gets harder for real life meetups since a bunch of my friends live out of state or even out of the country. Making connections and checking up on them certainly helps though.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Great read, Megan! I’ve suggested many of the same things to friends not just for meeting new friends but for meeting people to potentially date. I always tell them to hit up meetups.com and just GO TO A THING, any thing that includes an activity they are interested in. Meet people. Meet those people’s people. Maybe you’ll meet someone that becomes your people and you’ll have things in common with them because you met them via a mutual interest.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Being someone that moves around a lot, I completely understand this more than I want to. I love the idea of being what you want to see in the world. Be a Friend. I’ve made most of my acquaintances just by being around to help out when I see a need to be helpful in my work place or neighborhood. I’m not sure I’m to “ friend” status yet but we know each other’s name now and that’s more than we knew last week!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I’ve used every single one of those apps since moving to Florida, haha. Though I haven’t had the best luck on Vina and Bumble simply because i forget to check it – I did go to a meet up. Unfortunately working in sports and having a nutty schedule means that it’s REALLY difficult to make friends and go out because I can only go out on certain nights of the week when everyone else works. That’s been toughest for me, honestly.

    I also knew of Geek Girls Brunch but once more – the working weekends thing screws me. I just need to find something that works for me – what that is I don’t know but eventually I will get it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Dang, that is tough. Would Skype coffee friend dates be too weird with internet friends? My hubby and I used to be long distance with a 6 hour time difference but we would share a meal while watching a movie. Hmm… I’ve have to give that a longer think.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. It’s a bit of a bummer that a lot of those apps you recommend are for women only. I understand why such things are necessary, given the… nature of some men on social sites, but it unfortunately leaves introverted, socially anxious men like me feeling a bit left out and not sure what our options are.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I understand your disappointment Pete. I tried to only recommend apps I have experience with. Unfortunately, I’m really picky because I’ve had poor experiences with other apps. As you’ve said, being a woman has it downside on apps like these. Bumble BFF and Meet Up are for everyone though, and there’s a few I found via Google but I’m not sure how good they are: Friender, RealU, and Patook.

      Like

    2. My local library has been a huge help. I met several people doing a crochet get together there. I have also been volunteering with a group that plans lots of local events and met people that way.

      Liked by 2 people

  6. What wonderful advice, and I understand how hard it is to lose friends after a relationship. Or the opposite for me loads of my friends moved away to different places in search of jobs.

    I really love the regular suggestion too. We have a coffee shop / cafe in my home town and we are on a first name basis with all the staff there. It’s so lovely when we go in one fo the waitresses actually sits with us and has a chat when it’s quiet.

    Great post Megan, and glad you’re doing well. Sure you’ve got a friend in me!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I love that!! It’s such a good experience to be able to have that kind of interaction with a place you frequent on the regular. ❤️

      Thank you Jaycee! I have my fingers crossed that we will get to meet next August! You’re such a lovely person and I count you as a dear friend in my heart. 😊

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Being a regular is definitely a thing. The pub I go for drinks after work on Friday has a bunch of regulars and after being a regular there myself now I’ll chat with them when I show up. Plus as soon as I walk in I don’t have to order my drink anymore haha.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. It was a 30 second walk from my old job, is presently a 2 minute walk from my current job, and is a 3 minute walk from my apartment building. So laziness mostly.

        To be fair it being a dive is also part of that. I’m not much for loud music, or flashing lights. A dingy, run-down place is a bit more my style.

        Liked by 1 person

  8. Pingback: Things on the XIIIth: June & July 2019 – Livid Lightning
  9. These are such great ideas. I know I find it harder to make friends as a adult, due to social anxiety mostly. Being a regular has worked for me, both on and offline. I’ll see if I can give the others a try too.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. My social anxiety spikes just thinking about that lol. I’d happily-ish try and go to one. Argh, maybe one day I’ll take the leap.

        Liked by 1 person

  10. Amazing post!! It has always been difficult for me to make friends (“real friends” I mean) and I see how harder it is now that we’re all adult and most of the people already have their group of friends… I’ll definitely try some of your tips though! Thank you for making me believe that it’s possible again!! 😊

    Like

  11. I feel like life just get in the way more when you are an adult. Being a kid, there isn’t much to worry about. As an adult we all have jobs and lives. Each of us has our own path we are following that isn’t like anyone else’s. It sure does it make it hard. Love the ideas of connecting online more. I am bad about stalking blogs and fb groups, but never posting anything or making comments. I hope to get better at this.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply to Megan // A Geeky Gal Cancel reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s