The thing about PTSD —
it’s silent.
It waits. Until you’re in bed — until you close your eyes — then it assaults your sleep, leaving you lying awake, waiting for danger. If you reach precious sleep, it reminds you of its control by plaguing you with nightmares. While you’re awake, you listen. Every stifled noise, every movement out of the corner of your eye could be danger.
The thing about PTSD —
it’s loud.
It screams endlessly in your head. It whispers constantly on your ear. Danger! It calls. Beware! It demands. Remember! It screams. It reminds you of the past. It throws into chaos the future. It reminds you so that you can’t work, you can’t sleep, you can’t concentrate. All you can do is listen.
The thing about PTSD —
it’s omnipresent.
It doesn’t just happen to soldiers, though their pain is never taken seriously enough. It can happen to you, to me, to anyone. It is indiscriminate. It doesn’t care about your race, gender, or religion. It doesn’t care how much money you make. It can happen to you.
The thing about PTSD —
it’s something I have.
I thought it was just anxiety. “It’s pretty normal to have anxiety,” I remember thinking as I booked my first therapy appointment. I just needed help managing it. It was starting to affect my marriage and my day to day life. I had struggled with it for years, but I knew I needed new tools to handle it better.
After my first session, my therapist dropped the bomb on me. Yes, I have anxiety, but I have PTSD also. I felt like a train screeching to a halt. What? How? Me? Why? I was confused and couldn’t understand. I only came for my anxiety. I didn’t ask for this.
My therapist explained the filing cabinet theory. After seeing and hearing her explanation, I swallowed my initial thoughts and made a second appointment. My therapist sounded like she knew what she was talking about. I recalled in the moment that she specialized in trauma, and I knew I was in good hands.
Piece by piece, we’re going through each event that has led me to here. We’re tearing down each intrusive thought word-by-word. We’re reopening old wounds so that they can finally heal correctly.
Because the thing about PTSD —
it hurts.
It hurts you. It hurts me. It hurts loved ones. Like a hurricane, it hurts everyone in its path. In the moment, it’s hard to stop. It can be uncontrollable.
The thing about PTSD —
it takes.
It takes your happiness. It takes your sleep. It takes your concentration. It takes your energy. It takes your memories. It takes your breath. It takes your quality of life.
The thing about PTSD —
it robs you.
It robs you of feeling safe, and of your sense of belonging. It robs you of music you can no longer listen to, places you can no longer visit, and hobbies you can no longer love without remembering the trauma.
The thing about PTSD is —
it can be beat!
You can beat it. I can beat it. With the right therapy and the slow progress of attaining a new mindset, it can be beat. I will beat it. You will beat it!
Design & editing props for this post: Matt @ Normal Happenings.
It was an honor to help do the designs for such a great post! Thanks for letting me do so. I hope everyone who needs to reads this and seeks the help they need.
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Thank you for all your help and support. 🙂
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Any time! 🙂
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so brave of you to share, really informative too. well done and thank you xx
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Thank you. ❤
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I am sorry you’re going through this. I wish I could be of more help to you. One thing I do know for sure though is, you’re right you will beat it. You are the strongest, smartest, and bravest person I know. You are the best parts of your mom and dad and you’ve got this. Love you always❤
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I love you too!
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It’s great that therapy is helping you and I hope that it continues to help you through your PTSD. Thank you for sharing!
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Thank you! Therapy has really changed my life. I’ve been in it for about 2 months now and my perspective has changed drastically.
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Thank you, you’re post is brave and no doubt will be helpful for anyone who reads it and is in a similar place. Glad to hear you are getting the support you need from professionals. Always good to see awareness of mental health being raised, I’ve just recently come to a point where I’ve took the step to get support with my own anxiety and its been thanks to posts like yours that I build the confidence to take that step! Thank you 🙂
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Thank you so much. I’m so glad that my post is touching those who need it. I wish you the best of luck on your mental health journey. ❤️
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Thank you, it’s a great post and wish you the best on your own journey too 😊
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Great post! That’s very brave of you to step up like that and create this. Thanks for sharing and I hope it also helps anyone out there who is struggling with PTSD 🙂
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Thank you Ellen!
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Hugs.
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Thank you. ❤️
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Great post!!
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Thank you. 🙂
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Sending all my love to you, thank you for sharing that 🙂
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❤
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Thank you for sharing this post. You have helped me understand something that I didn’t understand. My best well wishes to you
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Thanks for reading John. 🙂
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You’re welcome
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I’m so proud of you for sharing this and also incredibly grateful. I was waiting to see what you were going to post because I remember you mentioning it, and honestly this was kind of a shock – not because you did anything wrong but because I’ve actually been wondering if I have PTSD. Wow. That’s actually the first time I’ve admitted that to anyone other than my fiance and I actually couldn’t say it to him, he found out totally by accident – I had a memo saved on my tablet and he went to save a memo about a game and saw it. I realised he’d seen it and spoke to him, and he said he wasn’t actually surprised. I guess it just never occured to me until I saw someone with ptsd describe exactly how I feel and act because I’ve never suffered a big traumatic event, just lots of bullying and an emotional abusive relationship. I almost feel like it’s not enough to justify it.
I’m sorry for coming to your post, a very personal post that I know was a big step for you and looking like I’m just dumping my issues on you. I’m not explaining all this to turn make it about me, I wanted to show you just how much of a difference you being open about your PTSD has had just on me, on one person. And I wanted to thank you for it.
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Thank you for coming here to my past and unloading! For real. That’s what I wanted when I decided to share this. I wanted people to come and share and understand. So thank you. I’m glad my post resonated with you. ❤️
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Powerful.
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Thank you.
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My cousin’s husband suffers from PTSD after 2 tours in Afghanistan.
I wish you all the best. Peace a love.
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I’m so sorry to hear that. He’s definitely not alone. ❤️
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This is absolutely one of the most powerful posts on PTSD I’ve seen here on WordPress. Amazing. Thank you for sharing.
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Thank you so much for taking the time to read it. ❤️
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Great post
The ending does it for me
We can heal
We do not give up
Great message
If we improve we find out we have developed special skills or traits
Check out your willpower
Your adaptability
Your optimism
Your continue to compete for your wellbeing
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Thank you Marty.
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I think it took a lot of courage to write this post. To let other people know what you go through in life. This is something that a lot of people around us do not know what we are going through. For that reason, I often feel myself that I am alone not only with dealing with it, but having something like this. I know that is not the case, but it can feel like that. So it made me happy to read what you are experiencing. To remind myself that I am not alone.
I think for me, the one thing that stands out is how hungry it can became. Always looking for something to remind me how painful it was and that I should avoid anything that could bring back that pain. Even when i have the courage to move past it and take a chance, it is there trying to get me to run before I do get hurt again like the past has shown it could happen.
I think that is what helps me is to remind myself that it is not there to ruin my life or be a bad thing. It is trying to help me avoid the horrible pain that i suffered long ago from happening again. But that doesn’t men I have to avoid everything to keep that from happening again. The actions of one person or a group of people is not a reflection of everyone I will come across. That I can have good relationships with other people even if some of them don’t work out.
But that is the hardest thing in my opinion is believing. Yes I can have hope that it will get better. But often the question is how can that happen. All we can do is keep trying and trying until we find what does help give us peace and have a good life.
That is the one thing I try to focus on now. Not the horrible things I went through earlier in my life or the long journey dealing with that, but the happiness I have in my life now. There is nothing I can do about the past or make it go away, but I can try make the present and future better for me.
Well I hope I didn’t go on too long here. But I will close by wishing you all the best and that your life is full happiness and peace. 🙂
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I’m so glad I was able to do that for you. It feels a little less lonely when you know others that have gone through something too. ❤️ Wonderfully said as usual my friend. Living in the moment can keep us from lingering in the past. I wish you happiness and peace as well. 😊
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